{"id":799,"date":"2021-05-28T15:54:41","date_gmt":"2021-05-28T15:54:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/esp4biz.com\/?p=799"},"modified":"2021-05-28T15:54:42","modified_gmt":"2021-05-28T15:54:42","slug":"tending-to-our-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/esp4biz.com\/2021\/05\/28\/tending-to-our-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Tending to our Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I think about friendships and relationships a lot\u2026 especially now that I\u2019m home by myself much of the time. Our relationships are so important! We all<\/strong> have a basic need for love and belonging, and yet it seems sometimes we are not as great at investing in our relationships as we could be to get the most out of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I mean, think about it\u2026 Anything we want to be really good at \u2014 whether it\u2019s playing an instrument, sports, our profession\u2026 you name it \u2014 takes practice. It takes consistent effort. Keeping our bodies fit and healthy takes consistent effort. Our personal growth stagnates if we don\u2019t give it consistent effort. Planting and growing a garden takes consistent attention and effort or the plants literally shrivel up and die.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So why do we seem to have this idea that our relationships can be fulfilling, rewarding and meaningful if we don\u2019t<\/em> do what is necessary to excel in literally every other aspect of our lives?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Certainly this isn\u2019t true for everyone. There are people who do invest in themselves in their relationships and put consistent effort into being the best they can be. Kudos to you! Unfortunately I\u2019ve observed many who do not. I\u2019ve seen men and women who, once they get married, seem to have the idea that they don\u2019t need to put effort into developing their relationship anymore. As if the task has been completed, the box has been checked, and now they can just sit back and \u201ccruise\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve had friendships that have faded away because I didn\u2019t put consistent effort into them the way I needed to for them to continue to be deep and meaningful\u2026 I\u2019ll bet even you, dear reader have at least one of these you can name.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not being consistent in tending to the relationship aspect of our lives creates dissatisfaction and disharmony. It keeps your relationships (and you personally) from growing and becoming all that they (and you) can be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I realize that some of the reason we don\u2019t put effort into our relationships is because they can be messy. There are these things called emotions \u2014ewwwww! And there can be wounds from our past that can be painful to look at and resolve so that we can move forward with a new perspective and a more whole heart to invest in our relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In addition, elements from our current relationships (and those pesky emotions) can even bring up those past wounds, causing us to hurt the ones we most care about. Whatever it is, the \u2018stuff\u2019 can feel too uncomfortable to face\u2026 and we don\u2019t like that one bit. Best not to go there\u2026 no sir! So, we just let our relationships suffer, because it\u2019s easier than dealing with it and growing as a person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s not fair! It\u2019s not fair to those we love and ultimately, it\u2019s not fair to us either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I\u2019m here to tell you that facing those inner demons and putting them to bed once and for all is SO worth it\u2026 so freeing! To have those things not have control over you anymore\u2026 and what it does for you AND your relationships (and not just romantic ones) is amazing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is worth the effort to consistently work on our own \u2018stuff\u2019 to grow and be the best person we can be, so that we can also bring that to this most important aspect of our lives. Whether it is \u201cworking through issues\u201d, or just the simple act of investing your time and attention in your relationships, your best self (who knows how important consistent effort is) can tend the garden of your relationships and watch them blossom into something rare and beautiful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just in case you\u2019re wondering what \u201cconsistent effort\u201d in a relationship looks like, here are just a few quick thoughts to get you started. Every relationship is different, but there are some elements that always apply, do them regularly and see what happens:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. CONNECT. Regularly and often. And when you do, make eye contact. Really \u201csee\u201d and be with your friend or loved one. Put down the electronics, get rid of the distractions and spend TIME together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. BE PRESENT. Really listen to people when you are talking with them. Don\u2019t think about what you\u2019re going to say next, or what you want to have for dinner tonight. Give them the gift of your undivided attention. You might be surprised at what you learn!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Seek to UNDERSTAND what they are saying to you. Don\u2019t just assume\u2026 if you need to, repeat back what you heard them say (and not in a mocking way) to ensure you got it right. If not, ask them to help you understand better. Ask engaging questions (sometimes called \u201copen-ended\u201d), not just ones with a yes or no answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. Make a point to let those who are important to you know that they are important to you. There\u2019s a line from a movie\u2026 \u201cI told you I loved you when I married you\u2026 if it changes, I\u2019ll let you know.\u201d And while it\u2019s kind of funny, sadly there are way too many people who actually take this approach. People want to be valued, they want to know they matter<\/em>. TELL THEM OFTEN!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. Show appropriate AFFECTION. Hug the people you care about. Not just a fluffy hug with a couple pats on the back, but a real, heart-to-heart, warm hug. A warm smile, a hand on the shoulder, things to let people know you see<\/strong> them, and you care also go a long way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With the challenges we have in the world right now, this may be physically impossible, which makes finding ways to show you care more important than ever! Get creative and find ways to let people know!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

6. BE KIND. It is so easy to take people for granted, and because of that, we don\u2019t always treat them the best\u2026 especially if we are stressed, or in some kind of conflict with one another. Consciously take a breath and choose to be kind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

7. Most importantly, just remember to come from LOVE in all you do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Make these things a habit. Slow down and take the time to nurture those relationships which are important to you. You won\u2019t regret it!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I think about friendships and relationships a lot\u2026 especially now that I\u2019m home by myself much of the time. Our relationships are so important! We all have a basic need for love and belonging, and yet it seems sometimes we are not as great at investing in our relationships as we could be to get the most… Read More »Tending to our Relationships<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":800,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"neve_meta_sidebar":"","neve_meta_container":"","neve_meta_enable_content_width":"","neve_meta_content_width":0,"neve_meta_title_alignment":"","neve_meta_author_avatar":"","neve_post_elements_order":"","neve_meta_disable_header":"","neve_meta_disable_footer":"","neve_meta_disable_title":"","neve_meta_reading_time":"","_ti_tpc_template_sync":false,"_ti_tpc_template_id":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/esp4biz.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/799"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/esp4biz.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/esp4biz.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/esp4biz.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/esp4biz.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=799"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/esp4biz.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/799\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/esp4biz.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/800"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/esp4biz.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=799"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/esp4biz.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=799"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/esp4biz.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=799"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}